words can nurture life;
words can destroy life
Part 3: My Communication
"Aia ke ola i ka waha;
aia ka make i
Life is in the mouth, death
is in the mouth."
I have been helped to develop life affirming communication skills from
many resources which are available to us all. I share with you here
many of the fantastic resources which have helped me learn to use my
words to sustain unlimited healing potential. I highly recommend them
Please feel free to contact me to learn more about my experience with
any of these fabulous people and organizations.
The descriptions I've given here all come from my memory and may not be
100% accurate. I'm open for updates or corrections.
for Non-violent Communication
founded by Dr. Marshall Rosenberg, active nationally and
- CNVC teaches this specific communication
pattern: When (xyz action described in neutral terms) I feel
basic emotion). I need (basic human need). Would you be willing to (xyz
- For example: “When I see your
clothes on the
floor I feel anxious because I have a need for order. Would you be
willing to tell me what you heard me say?”
Listening Project, founded by Leah Green, offering workshops
nationally and internationally. CLP key principles are:
- Cultivating Compassion
for ourselves and others
- Developing the Fair
Witness by remaining open in conflict situations
- Respecting Self and
Others by developing boundaries which protect yet include
- Listening with the
Heart - allow divergence and find a deeper point of connection
- Speaking from the Heart
with language which reflects a healing intention
- Mastery Systems, Bob Stevens
founder, workshops offered nationally
- Teaches many, various and wonderful language
techniques to help people use words to connect on a heart
- The Verbally Abusive Relationship,
book by Patrica Evans
- Describes about 10 different communication
patterns that can easily shut people down, and suggests various ways of
responding to change the energy of the conversation
Spirit, founded by Dr. Jeff Alexander
- Leap of Faith is a powerful, experiential
workshop which alternates controlled and safe yet very real physical
conflict with discussion. In this workshop I learned both to say NO!
and to say YES!
- Voice of Power is a powerful and playful,
experiential workshop that explores physical aspects of speaking in
public. Expect to have FUN! in this workshop! Expect to laugh a lot in
this workshop! And, expect to easily speak from your heart in group and
individual settings after taking this workshop.
- Landmark Education, a school of
life that offers workshops internationally
- The Landmark workshops helped me know myself
better and helped me begin to relate to my then teen age children as
people rather than as simply my responsibilities. Landmark workshops
also helped me learn to hold my head up and look at people, even
strangers, when I walked down a city street and to enjoy admiring
comments from men rather than fearing them.
Parent Support Network - a
self help program with a handful of branches in Washington
- The Changes program is modeled on the Tough
Love program for families challenged by “acting
out” teens. They work
on the premise that parents identify and then change one of our own
limiting behavior patterns in order to strengthen our
- My own stand for changing my behavior during
the three years I participated in Changes was “I will not
conflict”. Some other common stands include: “I
will not give in to my
kids’ demands”, “I will not neglect my
own self care”, “I will not take
my anger out on my family”. There are many more stands. I
how my family would have made it through some particularly challenging
years without the support I received from Changes.
- Self Identity through Ho'oponopono,
(SITH) an organization which gives workshops internationally
- These workshops teach ways to practice
ho’oponopono – Hawaiian practices of living to
support health and
healing and to serve the highest good. The spiritual cleansing
practices taught in these workshops were originally developed by the
revered late Hawaiian elder and healer, Mornah Simeona. These
techniques create peace and healing for ourselves, our families, our
communities, our ancestors and the entire earth. The techniques are
100% focused on working on ourselves.
- Article by Joe Vitale
- This two page article was developed into the
Limits". Both the book and the article describe a
simple and seemingly miraculous use of the ho’oponopono
process as taught by SITH. After reading this article I
was immediately able to easily use the two primary word tools described
in this article in ways that helped me immensely.
New Feeling Psychology by Joe Shirley
- Joe has developed a process that
uses both imagery and words to explore and then shift the binding
effects of problematic emotions (anxiety, anger, fear, loneliness,
lethargy, boredom, etc) on our bodies. He originally developed this
process to free himself of the disabling affects of bipolar condition
in his own life. He now teaches this fun and powerful healing system to
others (including me) who need help at times freeing themselves from
heavy, life limiting emotions in order to freely experience full joy in
Unwinding®, classes by Karen Clay, LMP in Washington
- o Karen offers individual therapy
and workshops in Seattle Washington in which we explore our bodies
accompanied by descriptive, poetic words that Karen offers. I
attended her classes weekly for about five years and her work gave me
new ways of perceiving and freeing my body.. One of my favorite saying
she uses is “Let your feet spread like pancake batter on a
- John Calvi, Quaker healer and
massage therapist and workshop leader. John lives in Vermont and works
- John provides his services wherever and
whenever he is spiritually led to work. He has worked extensively with
people with AIDS and with victims of sexual abuse and with victims of
individual and corporate torture. He has taught massage, self care and
relationship tending workshops for both massage therapists (AMTA) and
non massage therapists. He is a Quaker and offers many workshops within
the Quaker community.
- John has lived in an unusual way for many
decades: He does not charge for his work, but rather lives on
- John founded and leads the organization QUIT
dedicated to ending
- Boundaries, Solutions for Life
Seattle area psychotherapist Jovana Casey (aka Joan Casey)
- Jovana helps people remove ourselves from
the victim-persecutor-rescuer dance. She offers private therapy live in
Seattle or worldwide via phone or Skype, in which she helps clients
(like me!) change the energy of relationships and situations that limit
our lives. She does not offer empathy based counseling, but rather
active energetic change experience.
- Jovana also offers potent and fun
experiential personal growth workshops, although she is currently
(2010) on sabbatical from this aspect of her work.
with Aloha, a book by Rosa Say. Rosa also offers management
- In a very easy to read way Rosa describes
inspirational successes she has achieved implementing a caring, value
driven work environment in the hospitality industry in Hawaii by
creating a value based management style and structure. Intentional use
of words is an important part of this process. I’ve applied
some of the
techniques Rosa describes in my own life and work. I especially the way
she seems to personally embody the values she writes about.
- Mana Lomi® massage &
classes taught by Dr.
Maka’ala Yates, D.C
- Dr Yates is an indigenous Hawaiian healer who
has been active in this field for over 30 years. In addition to
teaching Mana Lomi®, he leads internal cleanses and teaches
ho’oponopono workshops. I have studied Mana Lomi®
from Dr Yates since
2003, and now teach Mana Lomi® classes myself under his
He is also the founder and owner of Indigenous
- Outward Bound – an
education program with schools in various parts of the country
including Maine, North Carolina, Minnesota, Colorado, Oregon and
- Although Outward Bound does not specifically
teach word skills I include Outward Bound here because attending
Minnesota Outward Bound in both 1972 and 1974 changed my life.
- Attending MOBS led to me to discover that I
could physically achieve
far more than I had ever even dreamed might be possible. Discovering
that I could run, swim and paddle for miles, that I could carry a canoe
by myself and that I could stay in the woods alone (this was the most
difficult part for me) without food for 3 days led me to challenge many
other limiting beliefs I’ve had over time about my
- My Outward Bound experience helped me develop
the confidence to do new and big things.
- Living outdoors in nature
for a month is – I find no words grand enough to describe
experience!!! I loved it and it changed me forever!
Thank you to the many, many people and organizations who have
contributed to my personal growth and to my well being!!!
To all my readers, I leave you with my love.
Do please contact me if you have questions or would like to hear more
about my experiences with these wonderful teachers of heart and words.
E malama pono ~ take good care.
Copyrighted 2010 Barbara Helynn Heard
For more information visit www.lomilomi-massage
Email barbaraheard at msn dot com
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