EMBRACING BEAUTY & LOVE IN LOMILOMI
love, God and prayer for me ARE all related to massage.
has helped me feel both my inner and external beauty.
even helped me simply to feel pretty. And, massage also helps
WHAT MAKES A
spite of my clinical massage orientation – I practice and
Mana Lomi®, a clinically and structurally focused form of
bodywork – what stands out for me about the most profound
massages I’ve received is how these massages helped me feel
just the release of stress and tension from my muscles and not just the
way I move more freely after a massage. What especially
out is how these massages made me feel the essence of my true beauty
and my sincere and deep love!!! These were genuinely
transformative, healing massages!!
EXPERIENCES WITH CLAUDE BRANQUE
early 1990’s was a difficult time of life for me as my
to my children’s father was approaching its breaking
point. This self portrait shows
me dressed in my business suit and holding back my
tears in the only (semi) private place I could find at work.
I felt miserable and really lost!!
that time my gay massage therapist friend Claude joined my Quaker
community after being ‘released’ from his role as
the Methodist Church. I was on his support team during his final
illness and passing. Clearly, Claude had difficulties in his
life!! Yet in the midst of his pain and problems, Claude
me to feel my beauty and my love. In fact, my experiences
Claude led me to become a massage therapist.
How did Claude help me connect with my love and beauty? In
many simple ways!
massaged me with loving hands and heart, he encouraged me with words
and he graciously received support and gifts I had to offer.
addition, he was a special friend to my children, making jewelry and
other pretty things with them, taking them to the park and bakery, and
doing other fun things with them.
One day when my shoulder
hurt Claude told me he could make it feel better. I remember
confidence in the healing power of his touch and I remember that as he
massaged me, he sang a song with these special words:
How could anyone ever tell you
you are anything less than beautiful?
How could anyone ever tell you
you are less than whole?
How could anyone fail to notice
that your loving is a miracle?
How deeply I’m connected to your soul.
And then he sang another song that included this simple line:
love you just the way you are….
Being relaxed and open while receiving his massage, these
words reached to the depths of my being: Wow! I am good enough! And I
am lovable JUST THE WAY I AM!!! What a powerful message!!!
massage focused clinically on relieving pain in my shoulder, yet it was
the love that flowed through his hands and the song that came from his
heart and voice that took my healing to a deeper level. This
eased my guarding and softened my heart. His songs soothed
healed my hurt, weary and anxious heart. This massage touched
me so profoundly that I captured and reflected my feelings in this
another little revealing story. One day Claude
told me the full skirted blue-green knit dress that I was wearing was
pretty. Receiving his complement warmed my heart,
also made me realize that I was feeling GRATEFUL that Hung –
husband at that time – didn’t criticize my
appearance. What!!! Underneath my weird gratitude,
I believed I was unattractive!
complement, my natural beauty began to blossom and I was inspired to
seek out more ways to highlight my beauty. Oh… the
of kind and positive words!!! Thank you so much, Claude!!!
This drawing shows me with my
daughter Rose and our cat Fairy Bell – named after the
tinkling bells Claude carried in his pockets.
TRAUMA IN MY
my marriage of 14 years with Hung ended in 1992, my personal life
became more chaotic. A couple years later I was
termination offer from the well paying computer programming job which I
had held for 10 years. YIKES! My children were 10
years old and computer work very successfully paid my bills!!
None the less, my termination was a blessing in disguise as it opened
the door for me to become a massage therapist. BIG
At the time however it was also a BIG blow to my ego –
My new partner Gary – now my
wonderful, healthy and beloved husband – and I were caught up
dance of drug addition and enabling. I was rescuing and
left and right while he was repeatedly seeking his next fix to avoid
getting sick so he could go to work. At the same time, he
searched everyday for
healing and release from this madness. Thank God for
programs! Gary is now a dynamite drug and alcohol counselor,
helping others find freedom from the madness of chemical addition.
that time in some ways I was holding our household together, but I
certainly wasn’t feeling beautiful!! Any of you who
been caught up in addition-enabling dance can probably imagine some of
the crazy making nightmare kind of life we lived.
DURING MASSAGE SCHOOL
broke down in tears one day in 1996 in massage school as we were
reproductive system. Hearing sex described so clinically
separated completely from love – I fled from the room,
by teacher Lauren. When I sobbed out in embarrassment and
“I look so ugly when I cry”, Lauren responded
the beauty of humanity in your tears”. I was so
by her words, and my heart softened.
that same time I received a Temple style lomilomi massage from Emily,
another massage school teacher. As Emily firmly and carefully
used lomilomi to massage my chest wall around my heart, tears slid
gently down my
cheeks. Being thus lovingly massaged eased my heart open like
tender rose bud as I gradually felt my own beauty which had been so
securely locked up for quite some time.
power of loving touch!!!
If you look carefully at this collage I made, you will see a rose bud
in 3 stages of fullness.
CAN GIRLS AND
WOMEN BE SMART AND PRETTY?
recently attended a fund raising event by the Seattle
exciting middle school which educates girls to love life, to develop
confidence and to embrace their innate intelligence AND their natural
At this fund raiser we spoke about our
experiences choosing between being smart or pretty. The very
put together woman beside me said with a laugh that she had certainly
taken the pretty path. I realized for most of my life
chosen smart at the expense of pretty. Why must I choose
them?? Can’t we be both smart AND pretty?
remember dressing to feel pretty in early middle school. In
particular, I remember a pair of black shoes and a blue plaid skirt
that I loved. I wore them everyday for a couple of months
I felt so sharp wearing them. As it happens, until that time
had been an average student.
changed in ninth
grade when without any extra effort I found myself at the top of my
class earning mostly A’s. I was frequently
ridiculed by the
popular boys. One cute boy asked me if I got my clothes at
local thrift store. OUCH! I froze, turned red and had no idea
me at about 6
The most dramatic and painful incident in ninth grade was receiving a
black hate valentine on Valentine’s Day
signed by most of the boys in the class. How did those boys suddenly
become so cruel!!!?
Although when I moved on to
high school and started hanging out with my academic peers the
malicious ridicule stopped, ever since then I have dressed casually
with very minimal make up. To tell the truth, sometimes my
clothes are well worn and even sometimes ratty
WILL THE BOYS THINK??”
I remember my mom scolding, “You
don’t know what the boys will think!”
when I walked out of our house one day as a teenager wearing a T shirt
sans brassier. I retorted defiantly,
problem.” I certainly wanted to believe it was not
problem, only theirs.
But attitude or no, I realize now
how that incident from my teen years has
contributed for the past four
decades to the way I often rolled my shoulders forward and
crossed my arms to minimize the appearance of my breasts ….
It’s time for a new choice!!!
then there’s the butt thing! I have what is known
family as a Hopkins butt. The Hopkins – my
family have broad fannies.
For me growing up with a
Hopkins’ butt was a curse, an ugly thing, something which I
desperately wished would just disappear. My negative attitude
persisted until my early 30’s when in one day two separate
complimented me on my butt: a male co-worker on whom I had a
crush and my then 3 year old son YiAn. That was the day I
to appreciate my shape back there.
me at Waianapanapa Park in
Hana, HI, 2009
JUICY LIKE A PEACH!
Hawaiian word for fat. It is defined in the Hawaiian-English
dictionary as “fat,
fertile, rich, fruitful, soft, and sweet
Momona means sweet and juicy like a peach! One of my big and
round Hawaiian language teachers one day exclaimed, “I’m momona and my
husband likes me this way!!”
What a different feel momona has than the English word fat!!!
The word momona
helped me to accept and appreciate the natural size of my body, and to
experience it as beautiful. For me this comes after years of
believing I was too fat, and years of trying to either loose weight or
keep it off. Loving my body just the way it naturally is
the door for my body to relax into its full natural size!!
supports me in standing tall and strong, and with my head
held. Oh the power of words!!
BODY TO FEEL BIG
RELAXING INTO THE FULLNESS OF MY NATURAL SIZE
To allow myself to feel big as a good thing!! What a
concept!!! How different this is than shrinking in order to
Recently at the end of a lomilomi massage session my client said,
great! I feel
big! I feel like my body is as big as it naturally
I realize that when I intentionally try to look slim I tense my muscles
as I try to force my body to be smaller than I really am.
sometimes when I dance hula I imagine that I am plump or even
fat. Why do I do this? Because I’ve
noticed that I
usually most enjoy watching the bigger hula dancers. To my
they usually move more smoothly and gracefully. And when I
imagine that I am big while I am dancing I feel more grounded and in my
body. My entire body has a sense of weight and moves more
LOVE IN WHICH OTHERS CAN SEE THEMSELVES
I share lomilomi with others I touch with love to create a
reflection in which the recipient can discover their own beauty and
their own love. What a gift!!! What an
a privilege!!! What a responsibility!!! Reflecting
beauty is my constant vision as I share Mana Lomi® with others.
Mahalo - thank you - all my dear readers. I send you
Barbara Helynn Heard
2010 Barbara Helynn
information visit www.lomilomi-massage.org
at msn dot com
Phone 1-206-323-5871 Seattle, Washington
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